FAQ -1-

No time and new posts, let's get this underway! I'm not going to say sorry, but I believe I should be accountable for why I haven't posted in a while. (October 16th?? really??) Simple reason: University. There are midterms, test and assignments, we're running at optimum speed, so that means I have to dedicate optimum time to my studies. I've started a new section, one that runs concurrently with my other posts, the only main difference is that I'm going to try and post one or two of them every month, and they they don't have a "Life Lesson". It's labeled FAQ for...oh yeah, I guess you'll find out sure enough. RAISE THE CURTAINS!

You owe me a google search.

Interesting fact: They're called Lolipop Men in the Oceanic area. Who knew?

Where not to begin; the awkwardness, the uncomfortable-ness, the stranger-ness?

I'm pretty sure everyone knows what a crossing guard is, right? A crossing guard is usually an old elder person who helps people across the street. They hold a giant STOP, or in my case HALT! sign. I have no clue where they originated from, but I think it was something similar to the scene depicted below.

I'm pretty sure it was around the time in the "Wild, wild West". When they realized that tumbleweeds were becoming an endangered species. A person in each town was designated to make sure that they didn't get damaged in Gunfights or trampled during chariot races...they had those, right? Maybe I shouldn't have watched Ben Hur yesterday.

Anyways, I'm sure they soon enough realized that children, although less valuable than tumbleweed, also needed protection from said dangers. That and they also needed more people to be crossing guards.

And thus, the first (human) crossing guard was invented. After that, crossing guards became much more useful in society as car technologies were developed. Because of the pedestrian-car collision rate, crossing guards were placed in strategic areas to prevent the number of deaths. However, around the late eighteen hundreds, the first pedestrian crossing signals were developed and slowly the crossing guard legions were phased out. They didn't like this so they brought some new equipment to the field to show up the crossing signals up.

Safety Vest, Lawn Chair, and GIANT STOP SIGN.

Even with the power granted by the all powerful "Lawn Chair" the crossing signals still won due to the fact that they don't feel cold and aren't human..



Or so we thought.

 
Recently throughout the streets of Toronto, I've been witnessing a supernatural event. There are crossing guards, at busy intersections. And yes, you read that properly.  "But E, why would they do that?!" You ask. My answer: I really don't have one. I thought that busy intersections have crossing signals for pedestrians already. And they do, HOWEVER they are still there. I think the choice of method of crossing the street is already apparent when, in fact,  you want to cross the street:

Any interaction with ANY machine will NEVER be awkward. Ever.

But then again, there are those S*-people who like to have a conversation while crossing the road. -cough-. I don't get it: they have to get up every few minutes, they are outdoors all day, they do the job concurrently with the traffic signals, you get to talk with them for a total of SEVEN seconds, and that's it. Don't get me wrong though; crossing guards have greatly improved pedestrian safety, and are still commonly seen in school areas without traffic signals. But in highly populated and already organized areas, I really don't understand why they are there.

Nevertheless, it doesn't matter: Soon enough the crossing guards will have competition. Although this will take another form of competition....

This post was sponsored by the new H4.

And with this form of competition, crossing guards will be eradicated once and for all, they will never be around for us to see, ever again! -evil cackle-


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Or so I thought.

 

Have a good week and I hope you enjoyed the post!

What am I.....What am I doing?

This event recently happened to me and came as a nice and gentle shock to my awkwardly confused daily life. I've decided to draw a picture title from here on out because I think it's a nice addition to the blog.

Without further ado....

A short (my longest post so far) by E.

It started when I got off the bus (I know, there is always a bus in the story) as I was waiting to cross the street I saw a man standing with three giant cardboard boxes.

The tree shouldn't be on the road.....broken headlamp.

 Unfortunately he only had two arms.......

Who said man-spider?

Seeing this man struggling with these boxes kind of made me feel sympathetic to his cause. (Maybe, I'm blowing this out of proportion lol) before I realized what I was doing, I had already asked him if he needed help carrying the boxes. 

 

And then he said the words that struck fear deep into the very core of my being...

It felt really really confusing (double really, so you know I'm not joking). Normally I never help anyone out. Why so mean? Well, I think of it this way; they should have thought about what they were doing before they did it. It's one of the reasons why we are called "rational beings" (although I don't think all of us (including me) are actually rational). Backtracking................with his approval, I grabbed the biggest box and started carrying it across the street.

AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE................

Okay, I was actually carrying it normally...... =(

In real life.

  

 Here comes the interesting part, and no, it's not that I was able to actually carry the box, but it was the amount of conversation that was taking place. Not thinking about it, helping this man was practically making friends. I never even thought about helping him, never mind talking to him. He told me his name, his family, where he lives, what school he goes to, what he's planning to do in life etc. etc. He told me all of this while crossing a street. Yep, your read that correctly, while crossing the street I almost felt like I was in class, with all of this information being hurled at me.  All of this information divulged over what? A stranger helping you carry boxes?

 The only pathetic thing that I tried to add to the conversation, in a muttered tone was.......

Responding quickly and efficiently he simply said:

Dumbstruck, I was actually in somewhat of agreement with the lad. With so many people that are less fortunate than I (I'm pretty damn thankful for everything that I have), my sympathy rose with what he said. (Don't worry about the fact that I'm a cheap bastard). However, this post wouldn't be here unless something awkward arose from the situation, that is, the complete and awkward silence ride on the bus, and thus it is known as the most socially disturbing bus ride I've had in ages.

 I think this situation goes to show two things; that people are really open social friendly when you help them, and that if you're going to help someone, don't think about it, because like me, you'll either miss the opportunity or reason your way out of helping him. Oh yeah, also it really feels good (not in 'that' way....) when you're  helping someone and making your city proud. I know that was three things, but I honestly can't help share the new and exciting (not to mention awkward) feelings that came with this situation. 

Hope you enjoyed the post, have a good day! 

Life Lesson: Help people if they need it, only when they need it.

 

Three Reasons Why I Pop My Collar

Uh-oh. Don't close this window ladies! There are reasonable explanations besides "because it's cool". Lol. I'm not to sure about other guys (codename "douchebags") but these are My three reasons of why I pop my collar.

Without further ado;

A short, by E.

Reason 1

"Sometimes it's just too damn hot"

Sometimes, most of the time All of the time I am sitting on a bus near a window, I usually start sweating. No, it's not because of the presence cute girls (although that does intimidate me) It's because the sunlight is pretty damn hot. Here are a couple diagrams further explaining my thoughts;

Somehow, I am lucky enough to choose the side of the bus that the sun shines into. Meaning that my neck is exposed to the heat of the sun. No sleep either, the brightness of the dam sun doesn't allow that. Lol. However, if one 'pops' his collar, the sun light is blocked, as explained in this diagram:

 

 

 

And using a precise calculation; I have figured out how much sunlight is actually blocked by 'popping' one's collar.

 

No, NOT a polo-neck.

Reason 2

"Sometimes it's just too damn cold"

The exact same passes for the cold. Except the sun doesn't shoot cold rays. It's just the air is cold....or does the moon shoot cold rays? (I'm joking. LOL) However, a special "One of a kind" Diagram has also been carefully crafted to explain this situation.

Damn you, cloud of spite!

 Quite often, I realize that people are looking at me like a douchebag, and usually it's fine because the girl isn't 'attractive' to me. However, you get those odd moments that a cute girl stares at you in disgust. I feel that something (god?) doesn't want me to look attractive.

 

Sigh, oh well. 

"Cold Rays" Real stuff. Scientifically proven. Source: www.don't type this url.com

Reason 3

"Sometimes it's just too damn normal"

"Sometimes the jacket doesn't allow it"

You know the jackets, they look really good, and they feel (when you wear them) even better. However, the collar just won't fold down. However, this only applies to jackets, as I  don't think there is a shirt made from the same stuffy material. If guys wearing golf shirts, or dress shirts pop their collars, stay the hell away. 

 

"No excuses for that." 

 

My mom said that I looked like a streaker, lol.

 

That's about all the situations I can think of where it's acceptable to pop one's collar. Actually, it's the only sitautions where it's permissiable. Oh, quick note: guys who pop their collar know that they look like "doucebags" however, they are looking for "douchettes" (is that a word?) which do exist. Eh. I'm not into those people (and their Ed Harvey clothes). 

 

Hope you enjoyed the post, and happy thanksgiving!

 

 

 

Life Lesson: Sometimes you can be cool without being a "douchebag".

Asian Tricks

Games usually and constantly involve winning, and losing. I think the primary difference between the winner and loser (aside from rank) is that one is better at tricking the other. I think it can also be stated that romance is a game, one played very close to the heart. (See what I did there?) Anyways, I don't want to ruin the point of this post (misleading title...or is it?) So let's push onto the 'drawings', if they are even worthy to be called that.

The other people have eyes too, I was just to lazy to draw them in.

 This is a lecture hall, and those circles are people. It's really intimidating at first, but it fills up so fast it's practically impossible to hesitate. Normally I go for empty seats, but today I felt a little bit confident. So I spotted a seat in between two girls and went for it.

Target: Locked on.
Status: Still empty.
Feet: Sprinting.

I NEVER have done this before, but I actually started talking to one girl besides me. She was of oriental decent, and turned out to be in first year such as myself. "It's fairly easy to talk to a girl, all you have to do is fool yourself into thinking that you're good looking" It turned out that this girl was alone in this class. Sticking with standard topics (prof. weather etc) we had a semi-interesting conversation. What's really awkward is when you're talking to her and she's paying attention to the Prof or Vice-versa, and then you don't pay attention to what the other person is saying. Also; time flies when you're talking to a girl. After class she handed me her name and email (yes! FB time!)

YES! VICTORY! WINNER! OMG OMG OMGG

This small torn off piece of paper meant more to me than life itself! (Actually I typed it on my phone so it didn't mean that much bu-hey! back to the story)

I'll never forget the moment *sniff sniff*

 I sped home (after chilling with my one friend) to add this girl to my FB and was so blissful that I was unaware that I was walking on stairs lol. Determined to add her, I flew up the stairs. Literally.

Not even running, I was flying.

Quickly turning on my computer (windows 7 represent) I instantaneously typed her name into the search box. And quickly spotted her from her display picture.

I'm not going to lie, but like most guys, we look (and judge) on your display picture. If there is a guy in the display picture we are ultimately destroyed, as we know there can be no relationship between us. This is where it get's interesting. She said she was in first year right? So normally you would think that would mean that she is your age, right? WRONG. 

Depression; now in number format. Sigh.

I can firmly say that all of us listen to the un-written social norms of our society. Those that do not can be easily identified, and murdered alienated remembered. I'm also fairly certain that no matter what culture, the female in a relationship should be younger than the male. Why? Probably because the male can take care of the woman and is (hopefully) more established. I would go into stuff about hormones, but I guess I'll save that for another time. But this is the asian trick. 

It's near impossible to tell their age.

Which is also a good thing because they always retain their youth. However, it's horrible if you find out they're older. My spirits were crushed when I found this out, I honestly thought that someone(god?) planned this out from the beginning just to teach me not to rush into anything. Lesson learned, but kinda harsh. This final scene depicts exactly what I felt like. 

Spite: them mystical clouds have it.

Life Lesson: Do not rush into things and never guess an Asian girl's age.

p.s. this happened again to me today (Wed/Oct/6/2010) fml.

Toronto's infamous "Sorry Syndrome"

Many people know this by now, if not, then welcome to new knowledge. Toronto is a place of multiculturalism, you will never see a location in Toronto comprised of one race. However cool and awesome this is, much confusion arises by having so many races. I think the most evident one is saying "sorry". When being brought up, "sorry" is incorporated into our vocab so much that practically every baby's second word is "sorry". Are we truly sorry? No. Do we want to be polite? Damn right we do, we don't want to cause ANY offense.

The cool way of saying "sorry"

The CN tower, for location reference LOL

Sometimes it gets too much. Especially when it gets to the point that I start saying sorry for things I'm not really sorry for. I don't like lying, and when I do this I feel like I'm lying. It gets especially awkward when you're in other countries and you continually say sorry. This happened to me in Italy.

I was walking down the narrow cobble stone streets of Rome, when I awkwardly sped in front of this guy. It was like when there is a ton of people coming your way, and you decide to either step to the side, or just walk straight. I chose the latter of the choices. Wrong move. Lol. So (stupidly) I decided to apologize.

Notice the absence of stereotypical chest hair and greasy head hair.

I was at a loss for words. What was I sorry for? Why did he say that? WHO AM I?

This is how my "great response" part of my brain works. 

Oh wait.

Apparently I don't have that part in my brain.

When I receive no response from a person, I automatically assume the worst. My ass is going to get kicked very soon. Although I think I can defend myself pretty well (go ego go!) it's not something that I want to ever happen. So I decide to do the weirdest thing I've done in my life, and the best part is; I have no clue why I did it.

No, those are NOT black laser beams.

The (now) classic:

(Burger franchise advertisement man voice)

'Walk away while maintaining eye contact' Move

Have you ever wanted a more awkward way of ending an encounter with a total stranger?

Try this move! It's sure to leave a "Total WTF" everlasting memory of the moment!"

Along with this new move, we'll also throw in the
'Once you're five meters away, turn around and run'

Worst, most awkward situation I have yet to be in, with a guy. Not even 'awkward turtle'* could save me then. I don't know what happened to the guy, maybe he was just as confused as I was even though that's impossible because there is no one that can be confused as I.

Life Lesson: Get in shape, you never know when you'll need to run.

* Awkward turtle is to be defined at a later time

(Mis) Fortune

Ever so often in this society (and possibly the world) something bad happens to someone. I know this has been theorized over a million bazillion centillion times but I firmly believe that every time something bad happens, something good also happen out of it.Yes, you read that  correctly, I just said that every time something bad happens to someone, someone else directly profits out of that situation, whether it's seen or unseen. It's either that, or it just happens to me, lol. ANYWAYS, on to the comic:



You've been in this situation, you have probably bought something and paid for it with cash. But what you didn't do was wear a lime green shirt.

Bestbuy-Overpricing things since they got cheaper.

This is where it gets interesting, and we thin out the flock a little bit. Some people have very fancy wallets or purses. Ones with even a change compartment. Ok, I made that up. But you get the point. However, most people won't have a change compartment and the following happens.

 This is where the chasm  forms. There are those that:

A) Pick up the money and look like a fool whilst holding up the rest of the line

B)   Leave the money (lazy)  and act like their rich (liars), only to go home and not have dinner (foolish)

C) Use a credit card or debit card (you bastards.)

For the purpose of this situation lets say he is person B, because we can all relate to person B in someway.

Look at that limey coloured lazy bastard.

Now if he is inspired to be the true person B he would probably do something along the lines of this...

He doesn't even want the cashier to have the money on the floor. Double bastard.

This is where my belief stems from, from the need to reproduce, the need to live, the need to greed.

Best-buy man wants that tip, oh yes, he wants it..mmm..he really wants it...

WARNING THE CONTENT BELOW MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES OR IT MIGHT NOT....I DO NOT REALLY KNOW...JUST SCROLL DOWN ALREADY

Every time something bad happens to someone....

Sooner or later, this was bound to happen.
NO INNUENDO INTENDED BY PICTURE

....someone else directly profits out of that situation.....

I bet you didn't even know they employed slaves. Best buy manager...  >:(

..whether it's seen or unseen...

To be honest, I didn't really know why I included Xerxes from 300, I guess he's the first thing that pops into my mind about slaves and slave owners. Perhaps there is even a Xerxes in every Bestbuy, oh wait, that's Xerox. (ba-dum-tish)

Hopefully that gets my main point across. Anyways it's time to search for some gold-chained underwear, hope you enjoyed the post!

Life Lesson: Every time something bad happens to someone, someone else directly profits out of that situation, whether it's seen or unseen.

-Awkward Silence-

Just a quick post to say that I have absolutely no time to draw on weekdays. However, I have devised a plan to draw on weekends, and then upload throughout the week . Rinse and repeat.

Life Lesson: Time waits for no one.

Drawer

By now, you've (hopefully) seen my comics and decided to never visit this site again and thought to yourself "My, those are horribly bad drawings, why does he even attempt at drawing?" Answer is: I really really really suck at drawing.

Notice the absence of bad-ness and me.

Yes, those things are socks, and no, I do not go to Starbucks.
(wait, was that a double negative...?)

I know my pun is lame, but humor makes life light (ba-dum-tish) And I find the best way to avoid criticism is to ridiculously criticize yourself, thus allying yourself with the enemy, and becoming allies. If that made no sense, this will; I draw because I (along with some other people) find it much more interesting to include pictorial-explanations of what I am talking about. This contributes to the fact that as semi-old humans we all miss picture books.

Life Lesson: Make fun of yourself, so that no one can make fun of you.