What am I.....What am I doing?

This event recently happened to me and came as a nice and gentle shock to my awkwardly confused daily life. I've decided to draw a picture title from here on out because I think it's a nice addition to the blog.

Without further ado....

A short (my longest post so far) by E.

It started when I got off the bus (I know, there is always a bus in the story) as I was waiting to cross the street I saw a man standing with three giant cardboard boxes.

The tree shouldn't be on the road.....broken headlamp.

 Unfortunately he only had two arms.......

Who said man-spider?

Seeing this man struggling with these boxes kind of made me feel sympathetic to his cause. (Maybe, I'm blowing this out of proportion lol) before I realized what I was doing, I had already asked him if he needed help carrying the boxes. 

 

And then he said the words that struck fear deep into the very core of my being...

It felt really really confusing (double really, so you know I'm not joking). Normally I never help anyone out. Why so mean? Well, I think of it this way; they should have thought about what they were doing before they did it. It's one of the reasons why we are called "rational beings" (although I don't think all of us (including me) are actually rational). Backtracking................with his approval, I grabbed the biggest box and started carrying it across the street.

AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE................

Okay, I was actually carrying it normally...... =(

In real life.

  

 Here comes the interesting part, and no, it's not that I was able to actually carry the box, but it was the amount of conversation that was taking place. Not thinking about it, helping this man was practically making friends. I never even thought about helping him, never mind talking to him. He told me his name, his family, where he lives, what school he goes to, what he's planning to do in life etc. etc. He told me all of this while crossing a street. Yep, your read that correctly, while crossing the street I almost felt like I was in class, with all of this information being hurled at me.  All of this information divulged over what? A stranger helping you carry boxes?

 The only pathetic thing that I tried to add to the conversation, in a muttered tone was.......

Responding quickly and efficiently he simply said:

Dumbstruck, I was actually in somewhat of agreement with the lad. With so many people that are less fortunate than I (I'm pretty damn thankful for everything that I have), my sympathy rose with what he said. (Don't worry about the fact that I'm a cheap bastard). However, this post wouldn't be here unless something awkward arose from the situation, that is, the complete and awkward silence ride on the bus, and thus it is known as the most socially disturbing bus ride I've had in ages.

 I think this situation goes to show two things; that people are really open social friendly when you help them, and that if you're going to help someone, don't think about it, because like me, you'll either miss the opportunity or reason your way out of helping him. Oh yeah, also it really feels good (not in 'that' way....) when you're  helping someone and making your city proud. I know that was three things, but I honestly can't help share the new and exciting (not to mention awkward) feelings that came with this situation. 

Hope you enjoyed the post, have a good day! 

Life Lesson: Help people if they need it, only when they need it.

 

Three Reasons Why I Pop My Collar

Uh-oh. Don't close this window ladies! There are reasonable explanations besides "because it's cool". Lol. I'm not to sure about other guys (codename "douchebags") but these are My three reasons of why I pop my collar.

Without further ado;

A short, by E.

Reason 1

"Sometimes it's just too damn hot"

Sometimes, most of the time All of the time I am sitting on a bus near a window, I usually start sweating. No, it's not because of the presence cute girls (although that does intimidate me) It's because the sunlight is pretty damn hot. Here are a couple diagrams further explaining my thoughts;

Somehow, I am lucky enough to choose the side of the bus that the sun shines into. Meaning that my neck is exposed to the heat of the sun. No sleep either, the brightness of the dam sun doesn't allow that. Lol. However, if one 'pops' his collar, the sun light is blocked, as explained in this diagram:

 

 

 

And using a precise calculation; I have figured out how much sunlight is actually blocked by 'popping' one's collar.

 

No, NOT a polo-neck.

Reason 2

"Sometimes it's just too damn cold"

The exact same passes for the cold. Except the sun doesn't shoot cold rays. It's just the air is cold....or does the moon shoot cold rays? (I'm joking. LOL) However, a special "One of a kind" Diagram has also been carefully crafted to explain this situation.

Damn you, cloud of spite!

 Quite often, I realize that people are looking at me like a douchebag, and usually it's fine because the girl isn't 'attractive' to me. However, you get those odd moments that a cute girl stares at you in disgust. I feel that something (god?) doesn't want me to look attractive.

 

Sigh, oh well. 

"Cold Rays" Real stuff. Scientifically proven. Source: www.don't type this url.com

Reason 3

"Sometimes it's just too damn normal"

"Sometimes the jacket doesn't allow it"

You know the jackets, they look really good, and they feel (when you wear them) even better. However, the collar just won't fold down. However, this only applies to jackets, as I  don't think there is a shirt made from the same stuffy material. If guys wearing golf shirts, or dress shirts pop their collars, stay the hell away. 

 

"No excuses for that." 

 

My mom said that I looked like a streaker, lol.

 

That's about all the situations I can think of where it's acceptable to pop one's collar. Actually, it's the only sitautions where it's permissiable. Oh, quick note: guys who pop their collar know that they look like "doucebags" however, they are looking for "douchettes" (is that a word?) which do exist. Eh. I'm not into those people (and their Ed Harvey clothes). 

 

Hope you enjoyed the post, and happy thanksgiving!

 

 

 

Life Lesson: Sometimes you can be cool without being a "douchebag".

Asian Tricks

Games usually and constantly involve winning, and losing. I think the primary difference between the winner and loser (aside from rank) is that one is better at tricking the other. I think it can also be stated that romance is a game, one played very close to the heart. (See what I did there?) Anyways, I don't want to ruin the point of this post (misleading title...or is it?) So let's push onto the 'drawings', if they are even worthy to be called that.

The other people have eyes too, I was just to lazy to draw them in.

 This is a lecture hall, and those circles are people. It's really intimidating at first, but it fills up so fast it's practically impossible to hesitate. Normally I go for empty seats, but today I felt a little bit confident. So I spotted a seat in between two girls and went for it.

Target: Locked on.
Status: Still empty.
Feet: Sprinting.

I NEVER have done this before, but I actually started talking to one girl besides me. She was of oriental decent, and turned out to be in first year such as myself. "It's fairly easy to talk to a girl, all you have to do is fool yourself into thinking that you're good looking" It turned out that this girl was alone in this class. Sticking with standard topics (prof. weather etc) we had a semi-interesting conversation. What's really awkward is when you're talking to her and she's paying attention to the Prof or Vice-versa, and then you don't pay attention to what the other person is saying. Also; time flies when you're talking to a girl. After class she handed me her name and email (yes! FB time!)

YES! VICTORY! WINNER! OMG OMG OMGG

This small torn off piece of paper meant more to me than life itself! (Actually I typed it on my phone so it didn't mean that much bu-hey! back to the story)

I'll never forget the moment *sniff sniff*

 I sped home (after chilling with my one friend) to add this girl to my FB and was so blissful that I was unaware that I was walking on stairs lol. Determined to add her, I flew up the stairs. Literally.

Not even running, I was flying.

Quickly turning on my computer (windows 7 represent) I instantaneously typed her name into the search box. And quickly spotted her from her display picture.

I'm not going to lie, but like most guys, we look (and judge) on your display picture. If there is a guy in the display picture we are ultimately destroyed, as we know there can be no relationship between us. This is where it get's interesting. She said she was in first year right? So normally you would think that would mean that she is your age, right? WRONG. 

Depression; now in number format. Sigh.

I can firmly say that all of us listen to the un-written social norms of our society. Those that do not can be easily identified, and murdered alienated remembered. I'm also fairly certain that no matter what culture, the female in a relationship should be younger than the male. Why? Probably because the male can take care of the woman and is (hopefully) more established. I would go into stuff about hormones, but I guess I'll save that for another time. But this is the asian trick. 

It's near impossible to tell their age.

Which is also a good thing because they always retain their youth. However, it's horrible if you find out they're older. My spirits were crushed when I found this out, I honestly thought that someone(god?) planned this out from the beginning just to teach me not to rush into anything. Lesson learned, but kinda harsh. This final scene depicts exactly what I felt like. 

Spite: them mystical clouds have it.

Life Lesson: Do not rush into things and never guess an Asian girl's age.

p.s. this happened again to me today (Wed/Oct/6/2010) fml.

Toronto's infamous "Sorry Syndrome"

Many people know this by now, if not, then welcome to new knowledge. Toronto is a place of multiculturalism, you will never see a location in Toronto comprised of one race. However cool and awesome this is, much confusion arises by having so many races. I think the most evident one is saying "sorry". When being brought up, "sorry" is incorporated into our vocab so much that practically every baby's second word is "sorry". Are we truly sorry? No. Do we want to be polite? Damn right we do, we don't want to cause ANY offense.

The cool way of saying "sorry"

The CN tower, for location reference LOL

Sometimes it gets too much. Especially when it gets to the point that I start saying sorry for things I'm not really sorry for. I don't like lying, and when I do this I feel like I'm lying. It gets especially awkward when you're in other countries and you continually say sorry. This happened to me in Italy.

I was walking down the narrow cobble stone streets of Rome, when I awkwardly sped in front of this guy. It was like when there is a ton of people coming your way, and you decide to either step to the side, or just walk straight. I chose the latter of the choices. Wrong move. Lol. So (stupidly) I decided to apologize.

Notice the absence of stereotypical chest hair and greasy head hair.

I was at a loss for words. What was I sorry for? Why did he say that? WHO AM I?

This is how my "great response" part of my brain works. 

Oh wait.

Apparently I don't have that part in my brain.

When I receive no response from a person, I automatically assume the worst. My ass is going to get kicked very soon. Although I think I can defend myself pretty well (go ego go!) it's not something that I want to ever happen. So I decide to do the weirdest thing I've done in my life, and the best part is; I have no clue why I did it.

No, those are NOT black laser beams.

The (now) classic:

(Burger franchise advertisement man voice)

'Walk away while maintaining eye contact' Move

Have you ever wanted a more awkward way of ending an encounter with a total stranger?

Try this move! It's sure to leave a "Total WTF" everlasting memory of the moment!"

Along with this new move, we'll also throw in the
'Once you're five meters away, turn around and run'

Worst, most awkward situation I have yet to be in, with a guy. Not even 'awkward turtle'* could save me then. I don't know what happened to the guy, maybe he was just as confused as I was even though that's impossible because there is no one that can be confused as I.

Life Lesson: Get in shape, you never know when you'll need to run.

* Awkward turtle is to be defined at a later time